Tuesday, March 14, 2023



“Look onto him – He is a weirdo and all the time looking at me with blank, scared eyes as if I am going to eat him!” – This comment was made on a parent – teacher’s meet of my school to my mother during my transition from class II to class III. The comment from the class teacher at the age of six for the first time introduced me to myself and I thought may be its true that a gigantic human being like my late erstwhile class teacher can actually eat a lean, docile, numb school boy like me.  I also thought may be Nature has given her that power to eat me up.

The introduction was in the form of a reflection of another person about me to my parent in front of me. This one statement created a plethora of self doubt about my own identity about myself at a very early age. Later on, when I have thought about it, I have felt privileged to receive such an identity labeler at an early age as it helped me. In a way, that was the starting point of a reflexive, immersive, self centric, narcissistic journey within me to actually start searching myself through words, ideas, creativity, stories and plots. I started to search stories about myself at an early stage because I started to become doubtful about my existence at an early age of six when kids generally enjoy the childhood. The self-absorption had to find out new ways of writing through Bengali texts, alphabets, expressions, drawings, sketches, lyrical rhyming (called Chhoras) and I will use them to self- hum a melody internally. I created a whole new world for myself in my diaries in which I existed along with my own characters in that world of my diary.

That world was preserved in my little diaries (there were many of them) and often I was creating those worlds of mine frequently when I was travelling in Lal Gola Express to Krishnanagar or in Bidhan Express or Black Diamond Express to Durgapur. Krishnanagar and Durgapur used to be my Mashi’s and Pishi’s house. A movement in train to these places meant to me an entry into a whole new world and not always like Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World. I was always in tears when after seven days I had to leave Krishnanagar (my Mashi’s daughter) or had to leave Durgapur (my Pishi’s daughter) after a month. I was too vulnerable in everything and everywhere at the same time. The moment I departed from my world which was created in the train during the journeys’ to Krishnanagar, Durgapur and I came back to Kolkata, I was in pain and more self immersed to write through my diary pages. Often, my mom or whoever will accompany me in the train journey, very un-harmfully wryly comment that – “Look onto our child author with the diary pretending to be a thinker on the window side of LalGola Express”.

But I was not an author or never been an author for that matter. I was in my world of vulnerability shaken with the crisis of existence and trying to find out a meaning of  self – absorptive expressions through my diary pages. Many times, I will write gibberish lines like montage of a sketchy draft for pages with no meaning of a plot or a story. But yes, there was a story in each line of them. That practice still continues and my journey of this crisis of existence still exists and has got more acute over the years. With a larger crisis of existence, more story books of LUCY Trilogy, Hema (The Measure of Central Tendency), Shapno (Pink Gender, Pink Gender Extended) have been born. More characters are coming up every day.  However, I am only running short of time in a span of 24 hours. But the gibberish, chaotic expressions of music, academic papers, journals, books are rising more everyday and more deviation from the central tendencies are happening. But the future looks not to be gentle and will only lead to more such characters even though a time of 24 hours will become short for not an Author but an Expressionist with An Identity Crisis of Vulnerability.


Disclaimer:  To be published in a magazine soon

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Stoicity of A Valentine Day 2023

 Fifteen years back on 14, February, 2008, very pretentiously I had written a song -"Bajar Valentine". The song was written from a monotony of office life of a growing India which only aspired to be what an Indian want to be which it could not be. Today, if the Indian has become what the person 

wanted to be in 2008, can the same song be written or rewritten again?

The stoicity has now actually set in the desire to be more in each Indian -Be it in the market of dates, nightouts, hangouts, night stand outs, desires in every space of an Indian life. 

Desire to be more in a way is so normalised now that its stoic on each and everyday of our lives. The valentines in us have desired so much more that love and empathy have become reclusive in a closed space. Lovers are a subset of dodo species, slowly and steadily getting to a hide out space. Markets of every desire space are more abundant than ever in comparison to last fifteen years trajectory of an Indian life.

A relook to compose a new version of the same song -"Bajar Valentine" on 14th February, 2023, only strengthened the stoic, neurotic, depressive pain with which the song has gone for a hide out in 2023. 

Like the VCRs, CDs, Floppy Discs, the immatured, stoic, valentine song of 2008 has only given birth to the e junk of new desire spaces across the society. However, what remained constant is to relook back to the past and find out the hiding, stoic, seeker. The seeker has got lost out in the cyber junk of desire of 2023, Valentine Day.

The valentines of 2008, are therefore the plastic desires of today and will be the cyborg aspirations of future. It is quite true to the core romantic values of Indian cinema where the characters can do more and more with each passing frame of Indian cinema. They are much more than one single culture, they can act, they can sing, they can romance, they can be the vile and many more. However, they are not dangerously stoic of doing much more than what they are.

But, the song search on February 14, 2023, surprisingly led to stoic results. It could not do more like the Indian Cinema characters. Hence, the "Bajar Valentine" only stayed with no birthday of "Bajar Valentine 2023". However, may be the block will open out to come with versions of future..........

Saturday, December 24, 2022

An Untold Story of Football for Sustainability

 Sunday, 18th December, 2022 - Flash of lights sparkled, brightened again through the Stadium at Qatar where Argentina had lost their first match against Saudi Arabia. 

The flash lights on the TV radiated and stuck the neural synapses of the person who was sitting alone glued to the spirit of the finals of the World Cup. The electric impulses sent through the synapses of the person in the lonely, chaotic room with only papers, medicines, music instruments brought in flashbacks of 29th June, 1986. 

The person who was a real football buff and would not miss watching any football match during the time frame 1986 - 2006 including club matches of La Liga, EPL, Italian Seria A, UEFA Champions League, National Football League had lost the touch of watching the club matches. Almost the fandom and romance of the escape route of going through the corridors of the football leagues through these matches had almost died down for this person between 2011 - 2022. But yet, the practice of playing football at the slightest opportunity or watching a film or documentary related to football or doing research on impacts of football on society, economy and ecology had not died down. 

The burns, bruises of romantic fandom created from 1986 were and are too dominant inside even now. Yet, the realisation was not there, till the 125 minutes of an unstoppable show happened on Sunday, 18th December, 2022 in Qatar. The show stoppers were the two National Teams - Argentina and France. However, there were many whose lives revolved around the unstoppable show of 125 minutes. Hence, the magic moment of the churlish fandom was born yet again. No, the person who was watching the match didnot want that. It had taken a lot of time for him to come out of this fandom so that he/they donot feel the choking breath of 1990 Brazil loss to Argentina, the terrible chest pains arising out of every Brazil loss in a World Cup match. He did not want again to feel the claustrophobia of a phobic, fanatic moment when his head will be bruised out of joy by banging head on the wall when Chima Okerie would score a magical free kick against Mohun Bagan in one of the Kolkata Derby matches. 

He didnot want to feel or remember that the first time blood had overflown from his mouth during a local tournament match at the "Ghera Maath" (bengali term of a small football ground created through walls in a refugee locality of Jadavpur called - Kamarpara). However, as the 125 minutes went away in a flash, the synaptic connections between the heart and mind of the person sitting in a complete chaotic set up of a room just did not stop. The unstoppable memories of football made the nerves of the two legs tremble in a chill. A chill which was always there before getting onto every final match or Khep matches of "Para Football" of 1980s or early, late 1990s of an extended Kolkata from Jadavpur till the South 24 Pargana football grounds of Baruipur or Subhashgram Via Baghajatin, Bijoygarh, Garia, Narendrapur.

Therefore, an untold story of Football for Sustainability which was always there just wanted to come out. It was so prominent that the jerks of the nerves were not stopping during the entire night of December 18, 2022. The nerves could feel what was happening in the roads of Buenos Aires, 2022 Paris, 2022 and Kolkata, Kamarpara of 1986. The person following Schrodinger's Cat mystery was prevalent in multiple existences of truth, universes. The universes were of football which trained the person about sustainability through life and experiences and not by becoming a victim of a group of "trained curriculum degree holders who have to be successful at the cost of loosing the ecstasy of being vulnerable in life in front of sheer madness of success at every stage". An untold story was born and rekindled on 18th December, 2022.

This untold story of Sustainability through Football had begun sometime before 29th June, 1986, when the same person who got the ecstasy of fandom back on December 18, 2022 had received a book on football from his uncle. His uncle whose name is not mentioned in order to protect all anonymity saw the little child being constantly hooked to a small white coloured ping pong ball from the age of 5 instead of having friends around him. 

Friends were less preferred in comparison to the ping pong ball and hence the person was fortunate to receive a book on the history of football with visual photography of famous goal moments, dribble moments of the best of the best of the world of football. Hence, the person took an admission in the school, world and university of Football. The School of Football in which he was admitted often appeared to him like a place of a victim who would get a ward to recuperate all the inferior anxieties arising out of lack of money, food, cloth, luxury in life through only one object - "A Rounded Ball". The pentagons printed on the football where lively characters and the white, black pentagons were just not shapes. But they were actually different pathways and counsellors with whom he would talk everyday to be more resilient. 

Resilience, vulnerability are often another side of Sustainability. Football trained and taught this to the person and not the classroom or the exam rooms. So, while he chased anxiety and anxiety became a character in itself in his childhood, it seemed, when he reached the ground or touched the ping pong ball or headed a football, anxiety started to play football on the ground. The same anxiety within the person became his resilience builder everytime he played a football match - Be it for the local Para tournaments, School Tournaments and thereafter even in the Practice Grounds of George Telegraph Junior Team behind the Malancha Cinema. Every time, the childhood anxieties of a 24 hour day became unbearable, he would be resilient to be sustainable by thinking that in the afternoon there would be a football match. Hence, often in the closet of the rooms during summer holidays he would just look onto the skies and pray to Mother Earth, Nature to not allow the clouds to come till 3.30 pm. So, even if it comes after that time, by then he would be free from the closet of the room to a place called - "Jharnar Math" or "Barrack Barir Math" or "Sanskritir Math" or "Boy's Club Ground" where he would be unstoppable. And the moment the time clock sounded, alarmed 3.30 pm during the Summer Holidays, he would just rush silently towards all these places with his only sole friend of "Kamarpara" whose name again is not taken here for protecting anonymity. He would literally run with a torn shoe or kerds or a stiched football shoe with nails and not studs given by his cousin elder brother from his first earnings. 

Anxiety would run like an athlete to the Football Ground and What A Run It Was!

He would desperately seek the grounds, muds, water, ponds of the Jharnar Math with other boys and children of his age or senior to him. Many of them were kids of hawkers, slum dwellers of Jadavpur Station Slum, son of beggars, coal breakers, laundry shop informal workers and many more. You name a strata of the society, and our synaptic person was with them in the Jharnar Math or Boy's Club Ground or Sanskritir Math. The football would roll in for hour after hour. A goal would mean for the person an answer to the society for all the anxiety that were posed not only to him but to many of them who were son of beggars, coal breakers, laundry shop informal workers and many more. Many times no food was there in stomach but matches would be played for hour after hour and anxiety would go on for a afternoon stroll with the TB Patients who also used to come and watch them play football. Many of these matches used to happen in the compounds of a famous TB hospital complex of Jadavpur. However, virus, germs, nothing mattered to the person and to these kids and boys. Often when the sole football who was their medium of expression after a corner shot or a big punch would be out of the boundary and land up in a pond, the kids and the person would jump into the pond just to get back the football on the ground. 

The game had to continue for them at the mercy of anything. They were ready to give away anything for those precious two hour football matches. They were in romance with Football along with their passionate fandom with all capricious and churlish behaviour at the same time. The person and his fellow mates didnot even bother to think of the virulent content of germs, bacteria and virus in those ponds. Their eye and apple of the eye were fixed on the football which had to be back on the ground. The football which often costed INR 150 - 200 was a labour of love, romance, fandom and savings of all of them and they could not allow the football to just be an orphan. They were all parents of the Football. 

After every match, the football was cleaned, washed and everyone would fight amongst themselves to keep the football in their house till the next day's match. Keeping the football in the house, sleeping with the ball right beside your bed were a moment of glory, counselling of anxiety. The smell of the football, meant a smell of the dreams of the world of Harry Potter Houses or Sukumar Roy's Abol Tabol. The Pentagons on the Football were much more powerful in controlling and influencing the minds of the person and everyone around him in comparison to the Pentagon of the largest democracy. The person and all his team members believed that the football had a huge power of also bringing peace in their households by getting back emotional and financial boon in each of their lives. 

The person who got stuck with these memories on December 18, 2022 also had to go back to school in a Posh, Middle Class South Calcutta region everyday after being back from the Football Sessions. However, the heart would constantly tell him that why cant a degree or classroom be opened at - "Jharnar Math", "Boy's Club Ground" instead of the classrooms in which he could only see a birth of victimhood. 

In a way that victimhood complex also got ingrained in the mind of the little person, till after 1986, football came and started snatching it from him. The anxiety, diffidence from being lean, feeling like a victim from a physical, mental construct and not being physically strong, adequately nourished were completely forced to backseat when he would score a goal, defend for the team, would fearlessly face senior oppositions with rough, tough tackles with swollen legs, toes and bruises on the body after the match. 

The body was in pain but the anxiety was won atleast till the next match. Anxiety had suddenly started to feel beautiful before and after every football game  - "Be it a tournament match where the person was playing or a football match that he would watch with deep concentration". Every move, strategy and ball, player movement on the ground started to happen spontaneously, tirelessly with lot of resilience. The same lot who would bully the malnourished, physically not strong person would be dumbfounded to see the left foot movement, dribbles, long passing, short passing, wall passing, dummy passing, body interjection defence of the same person in a football match. Resilience was born in these moments. It was also born when the person lost a dear team person (who was almost an elder brother) in a self destructive act after a cricket and football match. The loss was shocking and traumatic as the dear team person would always call from the window side to wake the person up sharp at 5.30 am before every Sunday practice and match which would start from 6.00 am and go till 10 a.m often at the cost of missing the Mahabharata Episodes in Doordarshan. The emotional loss from an unnatural death of a team member had a choking and claustrophobic effect which stayed for quite sometime. However, it was football only which one day cleaned it off too when in a final match a goal was scored by the person by remembering a strategic move advice of the same team mate while playing in a 4-4-3 combination which was his favourite team composition. 

Resilience and Sustainability are also often associated with the concept of moving forward with passage of time and flowing with time. No one was best suited to train it to the person other than - "The Famous Diamond System" which was introduced by Late Amal Dutta in erstwhile Calcutta Derby for the Mohon Bagan. We all went back to the Stadium to see this new definition and poetry of flowing resilience and sustainability. It seemed, a football team was not playing but rather we were watching the free flow of nature through repeated waves of ocean with their shore fall out and retrieval from one goal post to the other. We all in our respective local football teams started to implement it. Initially we failed. However, gradually when we could sustain the Diamond System first for 30 minutes, then for 50 minutes and then finally for 90 minutes in short grounds we felt more than "Bollywood Stars". Even though we were not masculine like Salman Khan of Maine Pyar Kiya and being undernourished in the team, many of us did have a crush for Salman Khan's muscles but we felt like indomitable and uncontrollable at the Jharnar Math in the rains when we could play a Diamond System in a local "Khep" match. We had won the battle of rising up above our anxieties and vulnerabilities. The person cried after the match when for the first time he scored a Goal in the diamond system in the local Khep match as he could forget the bruises on his body and the pain within by freely flowing through - "Diamond System" which to us was introduced by Late Amal Datta.

Memories of such resilience and sustainability got a sudden clutched acceleration during December 18, 2022. However, one thing which the person got sure of  was that all this time, in the name of "Sustainability" he had been desperately, romantically, fanatically seeking to come out of his vulnerabilities through these short stories of "Football" which were all born in the Ground, Nature, Ponds, Muds, Trees, Smells, Odours, Wind, Breeze. Each one of them were felt on the Football Ground and not necessarily in the group of a trained - "Classroom of Victims".

Disclaimer: All Anonymity have been protected but the blog is autobiographical.

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

What will be the recourse of Economics for a Common Good in Future - A Psycho-Analytic Explanation of the World Order (A Short Essay)

 The question with which this piece starts is at the heart of understanding the future solutions to many questions of a probable dystopic future world. While Economics or Economists look for a rationale of an economic incentive or action deciding an individual behaviour, often such behaviour can infringe upon the collective common good or goal. Hence, the new paradigm of finding out solutions to many questions of a dystopic future world is lying at the core of developing a new lens. The new lens might not always be a theoretical, dogmatic foundation principle of micro, macro, development, mathematical economics. Rather, this new lens can actually emerge from a complex disciplinary thinking of an economic problem for addressing a common good for future. The course of such a thinking can be enmeshed or be a maze of reflection of various disciplinary thoughts arising from a wide range of critical thinking. However, in this piece, I will largely put forward a conjecture of understanding the recourse of Economics for a Common Good of a Future Dystopic World from a particular lens. That lense according to me is called a - "Psycho-Analytic" Lens. While, Jean Tirole in his book - "Economics for The Common Good" charts out a new recourse of Economics for a Common Good from the perspective of information or information theory, I will seek answers from a - "Psycho-Analytic" lens. 

Information theory of Economics tells and explains to us how inadequate, assymmetric, complete, incomplete, perfect and imperfect information finally leads to certain kinds of decisions. Those decisions decide how agents, consumers, government, regulators, producers function in an economy. Often information and biases related to information leads to outcomes which are sub-optimal in outcome. In most cases, biases of one form or the other exists in terms of the decision making because in a real world of complexity,information can be most of the times - inadequate, assymmetric,  incomplete, and imperfect . Information in a real world context is hardly adequate, perfect and complete for a perfect decision making for a rational outcome to realize a common good. So is it so that in such a situation, common good is an illusion or myth. When the agents, consumers, government, regulators, producers do not have a perfect set of information, the paradigm in which the recourse of Economics should work for a "Common Good" of a dystopic future is or should be ideally - "Psycho-Analytic". 

A world which is struggling with Geo-Political Tensions, War, Threats of Pervasive Nationalism, Public Health Pandemics, Endemics, Conflicts, Lack of Peace, Identity Destruction, Prevalence of Intolerance, Terrorism, Subjugation of Human and Civil Rights, Lack of Privacy, Trusts with a command economy where everyone in the society is a commodity, it is an imperative to rely upon a Psycho-Analytic Definition of Economics for a Common Good in Future.

Such a Psycho-Analytic Definition of Economics will therefore understand the importance, need of competition for states while it will also understand the critical presence of regulation in the presence of markets. This will be because at the core of such an understanding, it will try to solve challenges of Climate Disasters, Market Takeovers, Predatory Information Capitalism of Technology with Society being a consumer identity on a digital platform being controlled by algorithms. 

Hence, such an approach will place Human Rights and Justice too at the centre point of all challenges of future and try to solve it for a global common good at the backdrop of a dystopic future. Primarily it will be a Psycho-Analytic approach within the new recourse of Economics, because it will have the heartlessness of empirical science on one hand and will also have the art of soul, faith and religion. Art of faith, religion will be mixed with the Empirical Science within such a Psycho- Analytic approach of the new recourse of Economics for addressing a Common Good for future. Human relations, human narratives, reflection of human memories, story telling of human narratives and their interrelationships with and within the society along with well-being of the Earth, Species, Nature and Humanity will be an essential component of such a Psycho-Analytic Definition of Economics. Since, human relations, narratives, reflections and memories will be a key part of the new Psycho-Analytic Definition of Economics, the importance of verbal and nonverbal language which measures the value of human, plant and animal life on Earth will also become very important as a part of Psycho-Analytic Definition of Economics for a Common Good in Future.  To illustrate, for instance, the global value chain of consumers are already hooked into the Amazon for their purchase decisions. The pandemic has made consumers more reliant on Amazon in terms of their purchase decisions regarding any product. Often it can be seen that either information is complete, incomplete or sometimes it is too much with large variety of products. In such a situation, consumers can or might fall into the trap of not buying any thing online by waiting for another better product because of the huge supply line of products in the Amazon platform. It might also happen that it can also trigger excessive buying of consumers in terms of true and complete information of huge supply lines of products in the online platform. But the question is whether the information about the product is authentic or whether when the consumer decision making is happening whether uses of rights, ethical valuation of products and their associated impacts on society, ecology and environment is done or not by each consumer. Such a decision making will be responsible but it will only happen when each consumer is behaving with a "Psycho-Analytical" view point rather than with an economic and strategic impulsion. It is over here that the role of regulators to implement such a - "Psycho - Analytical" decision making becomes more important to motivate consumers towards an attitude of "PsychoAnalysis" while making consumer decisions.

A similar notion is applicable also for what we are viewing in a post pandemic situation in all OTT platforms as our entertainment consumption. It is an imperative to push for a "Psycho-Analytical" view point while making consumption decisions even for OTT platforms are made in terms of what we are viewing at the present and will view in future. With a plethora of supply of OTT content with a wide range of Psycho-Analytical narratives and impact on the society, the imposition of a regulator for OTT content consumption is gradually becoming a necessity. Such a necessity will gradually spillover in most of the purchase and consuming decisions of the society for future with a dynamic and changing World Order. 

The World Order facing the decline of European Union, Labour Unions, Rise of A New G20 Order, Rise of A Dragon Growing Developed Country Recessions, Collapse of Institutions with the aggression of new technologies will need this new Economics which will or can only survive if - "Psycho-Analysis" becomes an integral component of such a new definition of Economics. Only then, it will be able to ensure a common good for future. Complete information can only emerge when the Psycho -Analytic definition of New Recourse of Economics of a Futuristic Common Good in a dystopic future is working perfectly with the Art of Faith, Religion, Soul and Objectivity of Empirical Science. In the absence of any one of them, the new recourse will inevitably fail and the World Order will only move towards a larger degree of dystopia.

Monday, October 24, 2022


 একটা দহন বয়ে চলে

দীপের আলো এই কালে

কখন যুগ পেরিয়ে দেশ সীমানায়

আকাশের শেষ কিনারায়

আগুন আর আলো এক অপরিসীম গতি ধারন করেছে

শিকল ছিড়ে  Acromagelia তে ‌আলোর শরীর ধরেছে

সেই শরীরে রয়েছে Nostradamus এর ঝলকানি

কত লাল, নীলের, কালো, সাদার দহন আর হাতছানি

একটা এমন দীপাবলি দাও

যেমন কাল, পায়ের বোঝা চাপাও

কোন অন্য এক গোলাকার চাপে

ফেটে পড়ল তারারা , আলোর তাপে

ঝরে গেল সময়, কালো পা

মনের অগোচরে সবাই ঝাপসা , ঝাপা

Nostradamus দিপাবলির দিনে

বসে আছে এখানে ওখানে

একটা ঘরের চাবি নিয়ে

জালালাম আলো সেই দিয়ে

শেষ হল দীপাবলি 

ঝরে যাওয়া তারারা উড়তে চেয়ে বলল -"এবার চলি"

Saturday, October 15, 2022

চোখ ও বুুলেট

একটা চোখ  একটু জল 

ঘাস পেরিয়ে রেল লাইনে চল

আসছে  অগতির গতি

জালা ও মোমবাতি

হঠাৎ  একটা বুলেট

তির বেগে করেনি লেট

কিছু গরুু  পেল ঘাস

রেল লাইনে  অবকাস

দোলে  ওঠে কাসফুল

চোখ পানে নে ই ভুুল

শুধু বুুলেট পেল চোখ

সবার বিকসিত নোখ

হল  এক বিকাস

মানিয়ে নেয়নি নীল আকাশ

Monday, June 27, 2022